Local Tint

The coveted Local Tint endorsement

Yes we can.

image source: Super Team Jet Force Alpha

ICHC rocks my sh*t

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Kermode as God

He's omniscient and sometimes brutal but always just. He knows how to articulate exactly how moronic 95% of Hollywood movies are with rapier precision. He knows to point me to gems, like Pan's Labyrinth, that I might have otherwise missed. He knows the finer points of films that I, in my gauchery, may not appreciate.

And, yes, as you may have guessed, Mark Kermode knows how to rock. my. sh*t.

John Archibald rocks my sh*t

This is why.

Update: This is also why (h/t Kathy).

P.S.  Stay tuned for for upcoming announcements of other things, places, people, and experiences that rock my sh*t, as well as a change of address notice.

I can has pom-pom?

Apparently there was some big game on last night. Whatever. I was glued to this stuff:

I mean, have you ever?

Didn't think so.

"The voters are smart..."

You hear that pandering bullshit line all the time from candidates. The Birmingham News, dutifully encouraging its readers to exercise their most sacred of civil rights, essentially idiot-proofs the process before every election by providing the answers to astoundingly asinine questions. Here's the list published today. I usually cut it out and take it to my polling place with me to amuse me while I wait.  

• So this is not the presidential election? No. The presidential election is Nov. 4, but Tuesday's voting in Alabama and more than 20 other states could determine who the Democratic and Republican presidential nominees ultimately are.
• Can I still register to vote on Tuesday? No. The registration deadline was Jan. 25.
• If I vote Tuesday, do I get to vote in both party primaries? No. You must choose one.

This one's great:

• Suppose when I am voting, I choose someone for president but then I want to choose delegates for another candidate. You're wasting your time. Your presidential choice will be counted, but your delegate choices will not be.

Couldn't they have ended that last one with "For the love of God, just stay home"? Some suggestions for the News's November FAQ:

• What if it's cold outside today. How can I prevent being uncomfortable when I go vote?
• I want to support my favorite person, but I don't see my favorite Idol contestant's name here. Could the FCC be suppressing my rights?
• Suppose when I am voting, I begin to feel hungry. Can I eat my ballot?

When infused with narcotics, maybe

It's almost like I was there

As I've griped elsewhere, The Birmingham News is pretty staid (not to mention, at times, just plain wrong), but occasionally their too-often-muzzled bulldog columnist John Archibald will hit a home run. His column on the "Top 10 Dumb Things" said at a Birmingham mayoral candidate forum was excellent. Witness:

• "'I will help the people of Birmingham if you elect me governor,' said Willis Hendrix" (who also denied the existence of racial discrimination in the city).
• Carole Smitherman: "'Birmingham needs a proactive leader,' she said. "'We don't need any more plans, we need solutions. My plan is ...'"  Excellent.
• Bernard Kincaid: "'In the city of Birmingham, if it bleeds, it leads,' Kincaid said. It's not crime, but 'perception of crime' that's the problem." As though Birmingham's shameful murder rate is just a  confabulation of the News's metro desk.

A forum like this could probably provide material to fill a special promotional insert; I'm sure Archibald showed considerable restraint culling it down to a mere 10.

For raising a sociopath?

[Mother of church arsonist #1] told her family's story on Tuesday to the students of Judson College, captivating the audience with anecdotes of the past 18 months.

She was joined by Jim Parker, pastor of Ashby Baptist Church in Brierfield, which was one of the first church buildings to be burned during the arson spree.

Parker called [church arsonist mother] and her husband, Dr. [church arsonist father], heroes after the way they cooperated with the investigation and reached out to the churches in the days following their son's arrest and conviction.

"Heroes"? Really? People of Alabama: Can we [the collective middle and lower class populations of this state] drop the worship of rich white folks who find themselves in a jam? The cult of sad, empty people who (still) imagine themselves part of a dead-end investigation is bad enough, but I find this twisted in ways that defy description.

Mother of church arsonist #1 used the speaking opportunity to shoo the impressionable students from the dangers of drugs and alcohol--the elements really responsible for her son's behavior. "I hope you will respect yourself enough not to be talked into doing something you know to be wrong. Learn to say 'no.' Ultimately you answer to God." I'm sure the group of female students she addressed were duly chastened by her words.

"Tobey...Tobey Wong..."

I've probably watched the opening scene of Reservoir Dogs more than 50 times, both sober and under the influence of more than one combination of intoxicants. The dialogue, the pacing, the ambient sounds of the diner--they all speak to the genius that could have made Quentin Tarantino a brilliant director before he regressed into a semi-pretentious string of juvenilia.

All that to say: when a friend hipped me to this spot on reenactment/labor of love that that annoying guy from the Geico commercial did in his parents' basement, I was doubtful I'd make it all the way through it. I was wrong.

Who saw this one coming?

First, I have to confess my addiction to Bravo's "Top Chef." Ever since the exquisite Sam Talbot from Season 2 first enchanted me, I've been hooked. Alas, no hunks of his caliber grace this season's line up (I suppose CJ comes closest), but I love the competition, the recipes ideas, and the insipid smack-talking all the same. On the downside, the show shamelessly pimps its sponsors' products: the Toyota RAV4, Calphalon cookware, and "the Glad family of products."

So anyway, it appears that hostess Padma Lakshmi, whose vacant eyes belie the fact that she's (supposedly) fluent in five languages and a celebrated cookbook author in addition to being a model and actress (well, she was in Glitter), she's divorcing her husband of three years--get this--Salman Rushdie. No, really. They're married. Not for long, though. The article doesn't really elaborate:

The 60-year-old author married Lakshmi, a former model born in 1970, in 2004.

“Salman Rushdie has agreed to divorce his wife, Padma Lakshmi, because of her desire to end their marriage,” spokesperson Jin Auh said in a statement. “He asks that the media respect his privacy at this difficult time,” the statement said.

I suppose their break up can be no bigger mystery than their marriage was.

I have some problems with this

Company plans to train inmates

Not vocational training for inmates, and certainly not making them earn their keep--I've always thought that should be a requirement. What bothers me about these schemes is the idea of shareholders--not the people of Alabama, to whom the prisoners are indebted for their crimes--making money from the training and labor of inmates.

Ideally, these guys would be trained by the state (on site) to perform jobs the state normally pays skilled or semi-skilled workers to perform. Private companies getting slave labor from inmates isn't right. The state, however, has every right to unpaid or reduced-wage labor from prisoners whom the people of Alabama are boarding and feeding and from whom the state has suffered some insult to its safety or quality of life.